TheColorNine is not just a mouthfull of nonsense. It has a meaning.
It has gotten to a point where if I do not do something, I am going to go insane. All this behind song? A girl tonite I barely knew from back in hammond tells me she saw me on american idol. I do not know how much longer i can live like this. Its like the rawest form of an emotion, the death of your mother, the birth of a child, the quiet mystery of the cosmos and the setting of the sun in one phenominally painful instant, to always carry untilI open up my damn mouth and sing.
I miss my pink headphones, they make it easy to drown out the world and focus. lung full after lung full of smoke is expelled to try and maintain the fury in my head. It helps, as it always has, but my reprieve is fleeting. I have to open up my soul and pour these feelings out. I do not equate my wishing for notoriety as fame chasing, someone else out there has to be in the same position as I am.
This cacophony has been building in my head for some time now, and now it is so loud, sometime I swear I can hear it outside of my head. Insanity I fear not, but I do not want to be forever running through colors in my head. If I do not do something, I will self destruct. My fears are unfounded, but they are fears nontheless.
I need a helping hand, and I do not mean psychologically. I need a music maker and a music writer. I need to form thought to prose. I need to put melody to madness. but true to conditioning, all my life has been on what I am and whom I claim to be. I cannot fit a mold in any category, so it is doubly hard to classify what I want to do. This small town does not make it any easier.
I see the white circles dancing around behind my eyes. This injury was and is still the weirdest thing to ever happen, and I need to walk this road and go where it goes, the destination means nothing, but i need to make this journey.